Friday, August 14, 2009

New Jerseys, er, New Jersey, er...

Well, it gets confusinger and confusinger in Ye Olde Ratnerville.

Bruce has run the Nets into the ground. It's no surprise -- Ratner makes Harry Frazee, who bought the Red Sox and sold Babe Ruth only as a financing ploy for his Broadway plays, look like the model of conscientious sports ownership.

The latest disaster is Nets' marketing wizard Brett Yormark's new gambit for the hearts and minds of Garden State Nets fans. Those, at least, that haven't yet caught on that they're the worms on the end of Ratners hooks.

Having already announced that the words "New" and "Jersey" have been stripped from this year's uniforms -- another lame effort at the now discredited notion that the Nets moving to Brooklyn is a done deal -- Yormark has a bizarre "gift" for season ticket holders who, in effect, hand Ratner the hammer he'll use to club them senseless.

Reversible jerseys, with the Nets on one side and Nets rivals on the other. Kobe, LeBron, Dwayne, Kevin and Dwight.

nets.jpgIt's really insane.

Brett Yormark has proven he knows how to do one thing very, very well.


Okay, that's not what we were going for, but the lying kinda pushed its way to the front of the long line of Yormarkian transgressions.

We were gonna say "piss off the Nets' New Jersey fan base."

To the right are the models proposed.

First, they look like cheap replicas, not authentic game jerseys that would at least keep the project at 99.9% insulting.

Notice how three of the five teams are those rare NBA squads that don't put the city name on their road jerseys. Yes, they're popular teams, but it helps subliminally signal that the Nets aren't, what's the word?, um...right, douchebags for ripping "New Jersey" off their road uniforms.

Yormark, in a canned press released says "In giving out reversible jerseys that include Nets players and stars of opposing teams, we hope to encourage more basketball fans to see the Nets play against the league's best players. Part of the excitement of watching the NBA is not only rooting for your favorite team, but also to watch the league's superstars. With so many great players in the NBA, we look forward to an exciting atmosphere at our games this season."

What a jackass. Only the Nets under Bruce Ratner could come up with such a trite simpleton's construct.

It's not their only one, mind you. Just the latest in nearly six years of certifiable behavior.

The best response comes from a comment at Nets Daily, a web site we won't link to because the last few times there it's set off virus alarms on our computers:

"Maybe a better idea would be for the marketing team to give up trying to sell us crap ideas and blow their budget on hiring people to simply break into our homes and steal all our stuff and dignity. It would save a lot of time."

It really says it all. It made us laugh, then sigh, then dive into the dangerous pool called Thinking. We got to wondering: what if the Not New Jersey Nets' new jerseys were Ratnerian to the core? Forget about Dwayne Wade or Kevin Garnett on the reversible side.

What if the non-Nets side called out Ratner and his partners' true reasons for dipping their toes in the fuzzy warm waters of NBA ownership?

Nets reversible jersey -- moneygreed by you.
Pretty obvious call here -- Celtic kelly green (for Mayor Bloomberg's hometown) to go with all that dough the Ratners' once believed their Brooklyn boodoggle would allow them to print. Not so much with the lucrative these days...

Nets reversible jersey -- Jay-Z by you.

Jay-Z is a co-conspirator on the awful Atlantic Yards project. Is he an "owner" of the Nets? Only if owning 7/10s of one percent is being an owner. Honestly, it's unlikely Bruce Ratner holds Hova in any higher esteem than Sly the Fox. At least Sly is a) at every Nets home game, and b) wears Nets gear all the time, something Mr. Shawn Carter has rarely, if ever, done. Some owner, he.

Nets reversible jersey -- Barclays by you.

England's Barclays Bank is the naming-rights dupe for the Atlantic Yards arena. That is, a former slave-trade-profiting apartheid-supporting Mugabe-enabling French-bank-accounts-frozen-for-the-Nazis collaborating dupe. Good for Brooklyn? Er, not so much...

Nets reversible jersey -- kiss my ass by you.
A personal message from Bruce Ratner to New Jersey's remaining Nets fans. It's tender, it's caring, it''s Bruce! 2012 might be pushing it. The Nets might end up in Newark a lot sooner. They certainly won't make it to Brooklyn by then...if ever.

There you have it -- Fans For Fair Play's first ever runway show, virtual edition.

Brett, you're welcome to give a call. We'll sell you these designs at a really good price. How can we not? You're so handy with your fingers on the pulse of the fans.

We just wanna help you get the word out.

In the meantime, enjoy explaining why New Jersey-based fans should root for a team that refuses to acknowledge they play in New Jersey.

A team, in fact, that could end up like Philip Nolan, the treasonous prisoner in Edward Everett Hale's "The Man Without A Country," condemned forever to wander from Teaneck to Commack to Uniondale to East Rutherford to perhaps Newark but with increasing certainty not Brooklyn, not ever.

In Ratner's and Yormark's case, it's not treason, but greed, avarice, and thorough disregard for the only people left who still offer them love.

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